Hi! I’m Joy and I’m writing about adoption all through October. If you are new, start here.
Part 2 of our story was a hard one. It took awhile to recover and to be honest, I still think about those 3 girls all the time. While my family’s story is not over, we did find happiness after that difficult time. But the girls…..it is so hard to know they went back to a tough life. I pray for them all the time and if you would, say a prayer for them today, too? Our God is good and He can be trusted. He can be trusted even when we do not understand. And He cares about those girls even more than I do. Thank you Jesus!
About a month after our time with the 3 girls, we got a text message one Saturday morning around 8am. “Are you able to adopt…like today?” The message was from our pastor’s wife, “L”. I explained that our home study was complete, so technically, yes. L called me. Her parents were on staff at a large church in town. She had told them about our story with the 3 girls. That day, a member of their church was calling the various staff members trying to find one who could recommend an adoption agency for her friend. L’s mother called her and L told her not to call an agency, yet. Then L contacted us. She told me that there was a baby boy due to be born that day via C section in a city about 2 hours from us and she wanted to place him for adoption. We were still guarded and cynical at this point. We had had folks tell us before about someone they know who wanted to place a baby for adoption and none of those leads ever amounted to anything. So, this just seem like another one of those.
L gave us the phone number of the friend who was helping the birth mother find an adoption agency. Here is where I began to see God’s hand moving. The friend who was helping the birth mother was our neighbor, “Ch”. However, it was a neighbor who I had a bit of a falling out with, through this situation, God graciously redeemed our relationship. I called her anyway and she began to give me the background of the birth mother. I told her how we were prepared to adopt and could find an adoption attorney that day (on a Saturday? ) if the birth mother wanted to proceed. I truly thought that once the baby was delivered that the birth mom would change her mind. So, then we waited.
A healthy, tiny baby boy was delivered around 9am and we received some photos via text message. This was starting to feel like something might actually happen! The birth mom told “Ch” she still wanted to proceed so we began to scramble to see who we knew in the city where the baby was born. In another show of God’s work that only He can do, we realized we know a couple in that city. My husband had gone to high school with them and I had known them, too. We looked up their phone numbers on Facebook. (It seemed like another miracle to me that the phone numbers were on there because I didn’t know anyone who put their phone number of Facebook!) We called the couple. The husband was a pastor and through his connections, helped us find an attorney. Not only that, but this family let us stay with them in their home when we traveled over there. The attorney part was a miracle, too, because she went THAT AFTERNOON to the hospital to talk to the birth mom and assured us that the birth mom still wanted to move forward with adoption. It was all so surreal.
We retained the attorney, started packing, and called L to tell her the news. God had seemed to move mountains to connect us with this birth mom. At this point though, we were still so very cautious and guarded and nervous because of our previous experiences…remember Part 1 and Part 2?! We even gave our children, A & W, the choice of whether to go with us to meet the baby or not because we knew they were nervous about being disappointed again. Our daughter went with us and our son stayed with friends.
We had some commitments at church on Sunday and because we were feeling cautious, we decided to head to the hospital after church Sunday morning. Our church family knew how difficult our experience with the 3 girls had been and they rallied around us and prayed for us before we left on Sunday. The support was so encouraging.
Here is what I wrote on our family blog that day,
“During the announcement portion of the worship service, our pastor, R, called our family up and told everyone about our situation. Then he let C talk. C spoke with such clarity and transparency about our still fresh hurt from the previous failed adoption attempt and our reservedness about this new opportunity. He asked for prayer that we wouldn’t hold back on loving this baby and the mother. He told everyone about the birth mother’s situation and asked for prayer for her. We have intentionally been transparent in this journey to raise awareness about adoption and to encourage questions. We’ll take any question. (We’ve thought and asked all of the “stupid” questions you could imagine.) Then, R, and our small group leader laid hands on us and prayed for us.”
We drove the 2 hours to the hospital. The neighbor, “Ch”, who had connected us with the birth mom drove separately, but was there to help introduce everyone. It was really nice to have her there! When we saw the birth mom, she came up and hugged me right away. She was easy to talk to and generous with information on her background. She let us hold and feed the baby right away. It was an incredibly blessed time when it could have been so awkward.
Our attorney came to the hospital and she spent some time with the birth mother signing papers and then with us. Everything was in place for us to take the baby home when he was discharged. We said good night to birth mom and baby and headed to our friend’s home to stay for the night. It was such a blessing to stay with folks we knew.
On Monday, we went to buy a carseat and headed to the hospital. We spent some time with birth mom and baby and made our plan for the day. Baby had to have a carseat test for the length of our drive home which was 2 hours! Birth mom had also scheduled his circumcision for that day, so we had to wait till that was done and he had been observed before he would be discharged. So, after some visiting time, we left the hospital and were tourists for a few hours.
When we returned to the hospital, baby had passed his carseat test, but was still waiting for the doctor for the circumcision. We waited for quite awhile and it was getting to be late afternoon, before I started to ask the nurse about it. It seemed the doctor wouldn’t be available till early evening. We were planning on heading home that evening, so we asked about our options. we found out that he could have his “procedure” outpatient with our pediatrician. We asked birth mom if that was okay and when she agreed, we prepared baby to be discharged.
More from our family blog about the next few moments,
“Here’s some more honesty for you. Once we decided to go, this was probably the most terrifying moment. Getting him ready to go, signing papers with the hospital…it all just made my flee mechanism kick in and I felt like we couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I envisioned the birth mom sobbing or changing her mind and I had so much anxiety. Praying continually, but how do you pray? I didn’t want to be selfish….you know…God, please let the birth mom NOT change her mind…God, please let us take this baby home? So, I just asked God for peace for us and for her. Confidence for her in her decision and encouraging words for us to speak to her.
We got all packed up and signed out and were ready to head out with the nurse (she had to walk us to the front door). Then the birth mom said she’d walk down with us. Anxiety again. I was ready to run to the car, so the walk down seemed so slow. But the entire time, the birth mom NEVER wavered in her decision. We got to the front doors and hugged the birth mom and said goodbye. She kissed the baby one more time. We didn’t cry, but I wanted to. But not for me. For her. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. We’d come to care for her and it hurt to leave her standing there and walk away with her baby. But we did it.”
In Georgia, a birth mom has 10 days to change her mind. That is a LONG time! But she didn’t change her mind, she wanted lots of updates, but she never changed her mind. Once the 10 days were up, we were on our way to pursuing baby boy’s official adoption!
Check back tomorrow for the last installment of our story! Thanks for reading!