Hi! I’m Joy and I’m writing about adoption for 31 days. Find out why HERE.
Here’s a new introduction for you, Hi! I’m Joy and I have said some dumb things about adoption. I didn’t know the “right” terms of adoption language. And I didn’t always think about adoption the right way. I’m so thankful to people who have extended grace to me when I said those things. So, I aim to extend the same grace to others who say foolish things about adoption.
There is a difference between extending grace and correcting in a loving way. And I think this needs to be said in a loving way… I have heard so many folks say these words, “I could never adopt.” “I just don’t think it would be the same as ‘having one of my own’.” “I don’t think I could love them the same as ‘one of my own’.” Most of the people uttering these words are people who claim to love Jesus, people who claim that they believe the Gospel. I never know what to say to these folks. I leave the conversation feeling stunned.
Because the thing is, those words are foolishness for those who believe the Gospel. Because when we believe the Gospel, we are saying, “I believe in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus for my sin. I believe that because of this, God makes me a new creature. I believe that I am now His son or daughter. I believe that there is nothing I could do to earn this love and favor, but God gives it to me as a gift of His love and mercy.” Dear Follower of Jesus, if God is powerful enough to do all that, isn’t He powerful enough to change your heart to love a child as if he or she had come from your womb? He IS that powerful! And doesn’t He call us as beloved children of God to care for the “least of these”? And don’t you believe that if God calls you to adoption as part of this, HE WILL EQUIP YOU?!
Does that mean it will be easy? Not necessarily. I remember a friend who had adopted older children telling me that at first, she didn’t feel very loving towards the children. She had to choose to love them everyday until she felt it. And how was she able to do that? With God’s help.
The fact of the matter is, I do not think of our son, O, as our “adopted child”. In fact, some days I can’t even fathom that I didn’t carry him in my womb. I forget that he has a birth family out there somewhere. The whole adoption situation seems like a distant dream. I love him “to the moon and back” and wouldn’t change a thing about his busy personality. I melt when he gives me a kiss and a smile and calls me “Mommy”. He is “my own”. It is truly a miracle that I continue to marvel at.
This is the miracle of the Gospel and of adoption. We, who were once enemies of God, are now adopted into His family and belong to Him as beloved sons and daughters. We are co-heirs with Jesus…brothers and sisters. God views us no differently than His own Son! The same is true of a child adopted into a family who loves Jesus. The child is now a beloved son or daughter, a brother or sister, and parents who love Jesus don’t see a difference between a child brought into the family through biology or adoption.
(By the way, the correct terminology to use would be biological child/adopted child, birth family/adopted family, birth mother/mom, etc…) 🙂